You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
