I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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