If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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