It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
