summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
