I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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