So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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