i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
