At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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