..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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