when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
