Your dad touched me again.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
