Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
