You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
