My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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