Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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