oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
