she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
