So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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