I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So squirting runs in the family.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize