my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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