3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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