THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
