She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
