there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
