I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize