Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
