You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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