Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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