I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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