just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
