she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
