I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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