Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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