Do you still have your period?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
