Whod you bang
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
