I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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