just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
