I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
