One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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