We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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