Screwed.edu
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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