also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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