My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize