so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
