This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
