i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize