we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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