So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
