Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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