My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
