It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
