SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
