and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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