She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
