I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
