I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
