I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
