I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
