I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
