sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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