You really coming over, don't trick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
don't judge my taste in strippers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
