i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
