when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
