Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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