You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
