my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
