I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
