Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
