OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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