sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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